Since it’s never going to be summer and the only place I’m warm is in the shower, I spend a lot of time there contemplating the mysteries of life:
How did I manage to be in the shower for at least five minutes before I realized I was wearing my glasses? I only found out when I touched the earpiece while shampooing.
Why does finger skin turn all pruny and wrinkly, but belly skin just stays the same?
How do I manage to cut an armpit shaving at least once a week?
Why is my left boob so much perkier than my right boob? You’d think the left would sag to my knees since that was the preferred nursing boob for 4 kids.
Why do a couple of my cats sit outside the shower door and stare at me while I’m naked. It’s creepy, and I’m pretty sure I’m developing a complex.
I’ll have to copy my youngest and take a shower in my swimsuit.
How come the older I get, the more crazy the ol’ pubes start acting? I’m pretty sure they’re intent on moving closer to my feet, which is completely rude. Pretty soon I’m going to have weird little bald patches in my nether regions and really hairy toes.
Why do women have to shove themselves into layers of latex foam and wires to keep their boobs contained while chubby middle-aged men walk around without shirts forcing the world to see their moobs? And why do those moves always seem to start under their armpits?
If I’m supposed to shave my legs, why aren’t men required to shave their backs? Hairy backs are way more unattractive than hairy legs.
How much propane does my water heater use if I stay in the shower until the water goes cold? I probably don’t want to know.