Do you ever have a secret girl-crush? Me either.

I hear it from friends and all over the internet – “I have a girl-crush on so and so.” I don’t know if I should feel left out or not, but I just don’t seem to get girl-crushes. Now that’s not to say that I wouldn’t totally tongue kiss Angelina Jolie if she came over and cleaned my house, but I’d tongue kiss anyone who came over and cleaned my house. I’d probably even tongue kiss a large, sweaty woman with a mustache and lip warts if I didn’t have to scrub pee off the bathroom floor. (Please note ‘probably.’ I have all sorts of food texture issues and licking sweaty, hairy warts is pretty likely to make me violently vomit.)

On my list of things I’ve never admitted to my husband is the type of person on television or movies that I DO find crushable. When he asks, I bring out the usual suspects for so many women…George Clooney, Brat Pitt, etc. But really it’s not them at all. In fact, I don’t even think that close friends who’ve known me for years could say the type of guy that makes me drool.

It’s tall, skinny, geeky guys. Really. Although I should make it very clear that I mean tall, skinny, CUTE geeky guys, rather than the tall, skinny, pimply, asthmatic, geeky guys. Inhalers are just not sexy. I have absolutely no idea why I’m drawn to tall, skinny, geeky guys. Maybe I like big brains? Maybe it’s because I assume they’re not all that strong and I could totally take them in a wrestling match? Maybe it’s because I’m married to someone who’s kinda short and round-ish?

I could so get into the fantasy of a tall, skinny, cute, geeky guy pushing his microscope and petri dishes off the table and ravishing me right there. And please let him be wearing a lab coat and maybe some horn-rimmed glasses. Jeez, I’m kind of all hot and bothered just thinking about it.

I can definitely never tell my husband about this obsession of mine, because then he’d know why I DVR every single crime show around – it’s the lab guys. To be clear, it’s not all of the lab guys. The ones that look like they dress up as Captain Kirk and go to Trekkie shows don’t do a thing for me. Do they do a thing for anyone, except their Trekkie dressing counterparts? Ok, see now I just ruined all my hot and botheredness picturing Trekkie sex. That’s the problem with being attracted to the tall, skinny, cute, geeky types. It can just too easily go the wrong way.

Shit. Now I have to go and watch some Oprah or something and think about her and Steadman and Gayle and John Tesh all doing the nasty so that Trekkie will get the hell out of my head.

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